I was working through a Step Four process with Clay, a new fellow. We were focused on Bill’s four-column inventory method outlined in the Big Book. We reviewed his first column, listing the names of people he harmed or resented.
He did not have many names and was proud that he had harmed so few and never held a grudge.
I suggested we book another meeting to review his inventory with his wife and get her views; he was horrified, saying, “I hope you are joking.”
“I was,” I replied, “but thinking about it, I think it might be a good idea to get another perspective.
“We can do that right now?” I continued.
“We can have a second part for Column One. We can list the names of people who resent and harmed you.
“Let’s look at you through the eyes of your boss, wife, and children. See yourself in the shoes of the people you dealt with in the last while. How many would put your name on their list if they were doing an inventory? How many would say, ‘Clay made me angry, Clay burned me up, I hold a resentment against Clay.’ Or better yet, I harmed Clay; I owe Clay an amend.
“Then we can work through what happened, how it made them feel, and your part. The other three columns.”
That experiment worked well. Taking the perspective of others opened up the floodgates. I will use it in my next annual inventory. This makes sense when I think about it. In these inventories, we study our relationships, and changing our perspective to see ourselves as others see us enlarges the scope of our investigation.
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That’s a great idea.