What side of the line am I on?
Am I trying to understand or be understood?
Am I trying to give or looking to receive?
Am I trying to console or control?
These are great questions to ask myself throughout the day.
These are lines. I am always on one side or the other of each line. Understanding rather than being understood is a paper-thin line of separation. Thinner yet are the lines dividing giving and receiving, or controlling and consoling.
The lines might be thin, but they are hard. There is no muddling or mixing across the line; there are no grey areas. I am on one side or the other.
The lines may be distinct without any muddling or mixing allowed. But, curiously, it is not clear; I don’t always know which side of the line I am on. My ability to deceive myself is astounding. Only after the fact, I realize which side of the line I was on.
Recently, I talked with my wife; I thought I was being generous and kind because I patiently listened to her talk about things that did not interest me. It was only later that I realized that I was paying no attention to what she was saying. I was utterly focused on myself and could not wait till she was through so I could talk about what I wanted. Despite appearances, I was seeking to be heard and understood, not to understand.
And how many times have I been listening to a sponsee, looking like I cared about him, but thinking only about what advice I would give him to appear sponsor-like and manage him to happiness. It may have looked like I was giving and consoling, but it was, in reality, pre-control planning and premature preening.
The lines are thin, so it might not take much to get over to the other side, but it takes something.
I have to check my motives and be rigorously honest with myself. But when I make the effort, I enjoy listening to my wife more than hearing the sound of my voice, and love my sponsees more than my reputation in the Program.
Related posts
From Demigods to Humble Beings
Forgiving is me cleaning up my side of the street
