Why we cling to defects (short-term wins, long-term cost)
We hold onto our defects for a simple, uncomfortable reason: They are effective.
- Anger and rudeness — for a moment, get us what we want.
- Self-pity — gives us a shield against responsibility, for a time.
- Gossip and puffery — buy us status, till we leave the room.
They are the ‘tricks of the trade’ we’ve used to survive. But like any cheap fix, they have a short shelf life. They protect our ego only until we are found out. They save us from anxiety only until the bill comes due. Then they quickly spoil, become rotten, and stink.
But by the time the rot and stink become apparent, the habit is set. It worked once; it can work again. So we try to fix each defect with another defect, repeating what worked—using a lie to cover a lie, gossip on gossip, another temper tantrum. These are woven into a web of defects of our own making. And the weaving creates a tapestry of character—our character, our defects.
A practical step: pen to paper (how to make the trade-off visible)
If you’re struggling with Step 6 and have defects you want to keep, you aren’t clinging to ‘badness’; you’re clinging to defences.
It wasn’t until I wrote my defects down, pen to paper, and did the math—listing the short-term ‘highs’ against the long-term ‘crashes’—that I realized my defects were just another form of my addiction. I used them the same way, and for the same reason I used booze—temporary relief. And like booze, the short-term relief did not justify the longer-term consequences.
Resource/Tool: Andy C’s Defects Removal Worksheet
I had to see the ratio of short-term benefits to long-term pain on paper to become honest with myself. Only then could I see the problem for what it was and begin to move forward. Pen to paper is a great tool for self-honesty. And a great platform for progress.
Quick takeaway
- Defects feel useful because they work temporarily.
- Replacing defects requires honest accounting: the short-term wins rarely justify the long-term damage.
- A simple written exercise (defect → short-term gain → long-term cost) creates the perspective needed to start Step 6 work.
Books to Support Your Twelve Step Journey
If you’re looking to explore Step work, spiritual awakening, and personal transformation more deeply, check out The GEMS Series: 12-Step Shares, Notes and Thoughts. These books offer insights, reflections, and real-life recovery experience that complement the journey through the Twelve Steps.
The books in The GEMS Series: 12-Step Shares, Notes and Thoughts can be purchased through my estore or the major online book retailers. Look for GEMS, More GEMS, Still More GEMS, and More GEMS Revealed.
FAQ
Q: What does “defect” mean in this context?
A: A defect is a habitual behavior (anger, self-pity, gossip, etc.) used to cope or protect the ego — a defence that gives short-term relief but causes long-term harm.
Q: Why is Step 6 specifically mentioned?
A: Step 6 (of the traditional 12-step sequence) is about being ready to have defects of character removed. The post reframes why some defects feel worth keeping and offers a practical exercise to prepare for Step 6 work.
Q: How do I do the pen-to-paper exercise?
A: Download Andy C’s Defect Removal Worksheet and follow the instructions.
Q: Will this exercise cause shame or guilt?
A: It can be uncomfortable, but the goal is honest observation—not self-condemnation. The exercise creates clarity and choice, which are necessary for sustainable change.
Q: Can I use this method in group therapy or with a sponsor?
A: Yes. Sharing your list with a trusted sponsor, counselor, or group can deepen accountability and provide perspective.
Related posts
Spiritual Maturity
Old Timers Don’t Always Agree
