From the Big Book, “… God is concerned with us humans when we want Him enough.”
This is a truth for alcoholics and for everyone else. Before God will come, the need must be great enough.
When my sponsor pointed this out to me, I formed a resentment against God. At that time, the only way for me to need God enough was to suffer enough pain to need Him. I focused on the Big Book phrase, “Pain is the touchstone of growth.” I thought, why is the universe designed to require me to suffer before I need God? I did not like this state of affairs, and believed God could have arranged things better.
Then, I had an insight.
“Enough” does not mean pain. Though it often includes pain, perhaps there are other ways to reach the point of needing God enough. Pain may be sufficient to trigger a desire for God, but it is not necessary.
If I desire to change, not from pain but from a positive desire to change, I can want God enough. I can meet the enough standard by seeing a character or other change and wanting it.
This desire to change comes about when I follow my routine of personal inventories: day, week, month, quarter, year, and annual. I see the problems that need change and remember prior changes with God’s help.
I can remember God’s help with sufficient force; sufficient to give me enough desire to desire God enough.
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I also resented that I had to suffer and feel pain to reach a bottom, that i had to reach an “enough point”, before realising something had to change. I hated it. it reinforced my self belief that I am an idiot and stupid and worthless, because I can’t even see when things are not right, that my day was focused on drinking, my job was focused on alcohol , that i had an unhappy wife, and that i was hiding my self from the world and my family, and that I believed I had to figure out what the heck was wrong with me let alone admit there was something. I had the same resentment at first, but then as i showed up and worked the program, it evolved. in time, i awakened. it was not only me that suffered on my way down, i also caused suffering and pain to those closest to me, those that i loved. once i was shown that, it became my column 4, my part, and that helped launch me further into the steps and on that wide highway.
Chris, what a great addition to the blog. Thanks
what a great insight, thanks