Changing the way I see my Higher Power.
Trigger warning: Anyone who is offended by gender characterizations should stop reading now!
When I first came into AA, I understood my Higher Power as the image of God I grew up with: a Father, a man. I’d grown up hearing stories about Him striking down enemies, sending storms, lightning and earthquakes litter the Judeo-Christian landscape. Images of decisive power, images of Him commanding and fixing. Things that men do.
But I have come to see that God, as I have understood Him, is mother-like, a woman.
My Higher Power, as I First Understood Him
I was raised in a traditional 1950s family. Dad ran a large and successful business where he commanded and was in charge. He was in charge of the business and left management of home and family to Mom. In our home, he was remote and held an elevated position.
So, the image of God as a powerful white-haired man sitting in the distance—a Father bigger than my natal father — that image worked for me. And a God who fixed, changed and decided things for the world. That supported the manly image I possessed.
But as I experienced more of God, I came to see that God is also like my mother. I saw this from two perspectives: first what mothers and God work on, and second the proximity of mothers and God.
What mothers and God work on
My mother nurtured and taught me things. She worked on me, not on the world. She did not command and demand change in the world; she did not fix the world to meet me; she fixed me to meet the world.
Like my mother, God works on me. He does not fix the world to fit me: He fixes me to fit the world.
Proximity of my Higher Power
My mother was not distant; she did not sit on high with a commanding presence. Like the picture above, she was down beside me. Similarly, God works at my level; He is down beside me.
In these respects, my Higher Power was like my mother.
God, as a male Father figure, has truth, but so does God as a female mother figure. It’s all a bit of a mystery. But what a great mystery to ponder.*
* For those who read this far and are also intrigued by the mystery of opposites and tension between them, I commend Ian McGilchrist’s book, The Master and His Emissary. He dwells on the apparent need, tension and mystery of the universality of opposites.
Books to Support Your Twelve Step Journey
If you’re looking to explore Step work, spiritual awakening, and personal transformation more deeply, check out The GEMS Series: 12-Step Shares, Notes and Thoughts. These books offer insights, reflections, and real-life recovery experience that complement the journey through the Twelve Steps.
The books in The GEMS Series: 12-Step Shares, Notes and Thoughts can be purchased through my estore or the major online book retailers. Look for GEMS, More GEMS, and Still More GEMS.
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