When Al-Anon Questions Hit Home at an AA Conference
The Al-Anon speaker at the AA conference was fantastic.
He went through the Al-Anon “20 Questions,” noting that if you answered “yes” to even one, living with a sick person was likely making you sick, too.
I’ve always considered my wife “severely normal.”
She doesn’t hold grudges, has a normal relationship with alcohol, and is a genuinely nice person. My AA friends even call her “the saint”—mostly for her community work, though a few joke it’s because she puts up with me.
How the Family Disease of Alcoholism Plays Tricks on Recovery Thinking
But as the speaker read the questions, my mind played tricks on me.
What I heard was:
- Do you feel like a failure?
- Do you feel angry, confused, or depressed?
- Do you feel misunderstood?
I mentally answered “yes” to three of them.
Suddenly, I realized I qualified for Al-Anon three times over.
Naturally, my mind raced to find the culprit.
Who is causing this?
Our sons are grown and gone. My parents have passed, and my siblings live in another city.
That left only my wife.
I concluded that, despite all appearances, she must be secretly sick, and it was spreading to me as a family disease.
A Sponsor’s Reality Check Restored My Sanity
Fortunately, I was sitting next to my sponsor.
When I whispered this logic to him, he paused for a moment, and then slapped me.
Honestly, I needed that.
It was the perfect reality check.
I immediately regained my sanity and remembered that my wife is as wonderful as she has always been.
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What are the Al-Anon “20 Questions”?
The Al-Anon “20 Questions” are a self-reflection tool often used to help people consider whether someone else’s drinking may be affecting their emotional health and daily life.
Why would an AA member relate to Al-Anon questions?
AA members may relate to Al-Anon questions because addiction affects families, relationships, and thinking patterns. Recovery often reveals how deeply alcoholism can shape emotional reactions and assumptions.
What does “family disease of alcoholism” mean?
The phrase means alcoholism can affect not only the person drinking but also the people around them. Family members may experience fear, anger, confusion, resentment, control issues, or emotional exhaustion.
What is the main recovery lesson in this article?
The main lesson is that recovery thinking can still become distorted. Even helpful recovery tools require honesty, humility, and perspective.
Why is sponsorship important in AA recovery?
A sponsor can offer guidance, accountability, and perspective when our thinking becomes confused or self-centered. In this story, the sponsor provides a quick reality check.
Is this article critical of Al-Anon?
No. The article respects Al-Anon wisdom. The humor comes from the author’s own distorted interpretation, not from the Al-Anon program itself.
Who is this article for?
This article is for people in AA, Al-Anon, addiction recovery, family recovery, or anyone who appreciates honest and humorous reflections on sober living.
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