A visitor from out of town is always welcome at an AA meeting. Recently a visitor brought a note of serious fun to our meeting.
The topic for discussion at the meeting was “the committee in our head.”
The first shares confirmed that this was not an unusual phenomenon.
Our friend continued the trend and added a twist in his share; he said, “I often hear voices in my head; I know that the committee is in session once again.
“And it is not an orderly committee with a good chairman. It is often unruly and difficult. The dominant voices in the committee are the angry voices; they seem to rule the meeting. And there are fearful voices; not as loud as the angry voices, but I can feel the tension. It seems to fill the whole room.
“And in the corner are the small quiet voices saying that things will work out, and I am okay. But everyone ignores those quiet voices.”
Then, with a severe look, he shared a deeper problem.
“Bad enough that the committee is in my head, and the voices are yelling and shouting at each other. It gets worse. Sometimes, when I am having these conversations in my head, my facial muscles respond. I can be walking along with the yelling and shouting in my head. Then I notice people are glancing at me, then looking away quickly; I realize that I am making faces that follow the conversations.
“Without conscious awareness, my facial expressions display the screaming and shouting that is going on in my head.
“If I am alone, it doesn’t matter, but if people can see me, it is a problem. It sure puts on a show. I think it frightens some of them.
“The good news is, with this virus, and wearing a face mask, I am frightening fewer people. When I am in public, the mask hides my facial expressions as the voices in my head go back and forth.
“Maybe we should have a permanent face mask rule for alcoholics like me, with active head committees and poor face controls.”
As we laughed, we could all imagine our faces following the discussion as a committee debate rages in our heads. Even a sober alcoholic can be a frightening sight.
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