Just do it. Even if you get it wrong, you will get it right.
This applies in all areas of an AA’s life, but in particular, it is strongly commended for Step 4. Just Do It!!!
With Step 4, my experience is, you cannot do it wrong. You might do it poorly. I did many times. But, as I found in my story, you cannot do it wrong.
My early attempts to conduct a moral inventory were horrific. Truly, beyond horrific. I did everything but read the instructions and talk to my sponsor. Instructions and guidance seemed unnecessary and silly.
I am arrogant, so I thought that I did not need any guidance from a sponsor. And I am male, therefore not capable of either multi-tasking or asking for directions. So, my refusals to read the instructions or ask my sponsor for advice and direction, was, though foolish, understandable. Maybe I was just afraid of what the answer might look like.
So, I muddled along on my own.
My early Step 4’s included spreadsheets of defects, bullet formats allowing categorization of minor and major defects and journals of brain dumps. The apogee of absurdity was reached when I drafted a Statement of Claim in a hypothetical litigation – The World vs. Andy. Followed, of course, by a Statement of Defense. I was at the time in my 3rd year of law school with the intellectual pretensions that law students have. The important point, I kept doing them. That was the key. I was taking some action. Misguided and maybe a waste of time. Though I saw later that all those attempts yielded fruit in the final effort. But I was trying over and over and coincidently, I was staying sober.
Eventually, I did ask my sponsor for some guidance, and he set me on the correct path. He told me to follow the instructions. And in answer to my question “where?” he replied, “in the Big Book.” Imagine that. Who would have thought it could be that simple. Hiding in plain sight, there they were.
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