Sobriety: It’s not a rose garden — you get better

Life does not get better; you get better.

At an AA meeting, a lady shared her experience with sobriety and our way of life, saying everything was coming up roses. The divorce lawyers were fired, her children were happier, and her work life had improved. She allowed that everything was going well because she was sober and working the Program. With sobriety and her Program, life was great.

Working the Program: practical tools for resilience

Later in the meeting, an older man spoke. He shared that in the past year, one parent died, and the other had to move into a memory care facility. He returned from holidays and was laid off work. His relationship with his family had turned sour because of his brother, who was in active addiction. To top it all off, his wife was diagnosed with cancer.

But, he said, “Through this, I was able to survive. I did not think about drinking and maintained my Program. My attention to the Steps, including prayer and meditation, and all the time I had spent on maintenance paid off. I was able to handle this year without even thinking of drinking and get through most of it with a degree of poise and equanimity that surprised me.”

He summarized his share with this aphorism: “With this Program, my life did not get better; I got better.”

Sobriety vs. life’s challenges: choosing serenity over escape

Oddly, both the young lady and the older man spoke the truth. Life is better sober compared to where I would be if I were drinking.

And life is life, and ‘you know what’ sometimes happens, then we can survive with serenity.

Sobriety will not promise a rose garden, only the ability to stand in any garden.

Key takeaways

• Sobriety doesn’t remove life’s hardships — it builds inner capacity to handle them.
• Working the Program (Steps, prayer, meditation, maintenance) creates resilience.
• Two truthful but different experiences show sobriety’s value in good times and bad.

Actionable micro-steps

• Keep daily maintenance practices: meeting, sponsor contact, Step work.
• Regular prayer or meditation — even 5–10 minutes daily helps.
• Note and celebrate small wins; keep an evening reflection/journal.

Books to Support Your Twelve Step Journey

If you’re looking to explore Step work, spiritual awakening, and personal transformation more deeply, check out The GEMS Series: 12-Step Shares, Notes and Thoughts. These books offer insights, reflections, and real-life recovery experience that complement the journey through the Twelve Steps.

The books in The GEMS Series: 12-Step Shares, Notes and Thoughts can be purchased through my estore or the major online book retailers. Look for GEMS, More GEMS, and Still More GEMS.

FAQ

Q: Will sobriety make my life better?

A: Sobriety won’t guarantee perfect circumstances. It helps you develop tools (Steps, prayer, meditation, support) to handle life with more serenity.

Q: What does ‘working the Program’ mean?

A: It means engaging in the practical aspects of recovery: attending meetings, working the Twelve Steps, keeping a sponsor, regular prayer/meditation, and daily maintenance.

Q: How can I maintain recovery during a crisis?

A: Prioritize basics: contact your support network, keep meeting attendance (or virtual meetings), stick to daily practices, and use grounding tools like breathwork or short meditations.

Q: Are stories like these common in AA?

A: Yes — AA emphasizes personal sharing. Stories of both joy and hardship are common and show how the Program functions across life’s spectrum.

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