“AA is the original self-help program.”
I heard this at a recent conference. It was meant as praise.
I understand why someone might think AA is a self-help program.
If you went to an AA meeting you might have heard people say,
- “I want to be a better me.”
- “I want to focus on my program.”
- “I need some me time.”
- “I want to look after myself.”
- “I know I can do better.”
- “I need time to get my feet under me, then I will be fine.”
These phrases, and many others like them, point to self-help. Note how many I’s, me’s, and my’s are in these phrases. And observe that the speaker does not need anything other than himself. This reveals a self-sufficient, self-centred approach to self-development, an excellent definition of self-help.
However, for many AAs, the 12–step program is the opposite of a self-help Program. It is not a _“_self-help” Program; it is an “I need help” Program, an “I will give you help” Program, and a “God will help you” Program.
We don’t help ourselves; we help each other and other alcoholics. We constantly seek to help someone else. Rather than focusing on ourselves, lack of self becomes our code, and unselfish love is our principal tool.
We admit defeat and become honest and humble. We declare that “without help, it is too much for us.” We turn to a Higher Power, which might be the Group or even the Steps, and renounce our claim to be able to run our own lives.
For many of us, the key to success was certainly not “self-help.” At the beginning, we said, “I need help.” And later, we said, “I will help.” Not much self here.
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