One of the topics at a recent meeting was Joy. And one share in particular resonated with these times of lockdown and boredom.
The third fellow to speak shared stories from his drinking days. They were, to the alcoholic ear, amusing—tales that would have shamed a normal person. The litany included fights, arrests and general mayhem.
He paused, then quietly said, “I had confused excitement with joy.” It turned out that it was the highlight of the meeting.
As alcoholics go, the nature of his unmanageability was pretty standard. It was the usual parade of bad decisions. He talked about the rush of emotions, the reward for these behaviours. It was the emotional high that he got from life. That was, he thought, joy.
When he was drinking, he thought he was living a joyful life. At some deep level, he knew, when he drank, he could behave without boundaries. Life would become exciting, joyful. He wanted to recapture a sense of joy. The craving for joy justified his drinking, which gave him permission for bad behaviours, which were exciting, joyful—a self-fulfilling circle of despair.
At first, when he sobered up, he felt the absence of what he thought was joy. Life was not exciting. It was busy but calm. He heard others talk about being happy, joyous, and free. He had two out of three. He was free of booze; he seemed happier. But where was the joy?
He missed the old excitement. He thought sober life had no joy. Then he realized that he had misunderstood joy. He began to see that contentment in quietude could be joy. A picnic with his family could be a joy. Stopping to admire a mountain view, that too could be a joy. Listening to a newcomer over a quiet coffee, that was a joy. These were not exciting, but they were full of joy. He was joyful.
Living sober, the excitement was gone. He thought he was joyless. Then as time went on and he connected with his wife and children at an authentic level, he felt joy. He did not recognize it at first; there was no excitement. Then with an epiphany that rocked his world, he realized that this serene enjoyment of their company was ‘joy.’ He had finally realized what joy was and differentiated it from excitement. Eureka.
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Great share Andy.
I can identify with that.
I still crave the excitement.
And
Thank you Andy,
Your message on excitement and joy is profound to me at this moment. Here on the cusp of 100 days for the first time in several attempts/years. This confirms my present insight into my own situation. Newly sober: healing body/mind/ego/spirit, merging with self, making sincere amends when presented, transforming held trauma into useful energy, and learning to transmit a brand new message to the world. Here I am. I am present now.
Thank you Andy for another nugget of wisdom!
All the best