First Spiritual Awakening
My first words in the Program were, “My name is Andy…and I am here.”
An old timer asked, “So why are you here?”
“I think that I have a potential problem with drinking. I am having some problems and think that I should stop. But my life is under control. No one knows that I have a drinking problem. All my drinking friends are kept is separate compartments and don’t know each other. If they all got together, they would see that I have a drinking problem. But my life is not unmanageable. I am in third-year law school, and doing well other than my drinking.”
“Well,” he said, “Step 1 is the key, your life might not be unmanageable, but you might be powerless over alcohol, and Step 1 only requires that you pass one test, not both”.
My life was saved by his wisdom and the hyphen in Step 1.
Later, years later, with a long-term absence from alcohol, I needed to grow. And the growth included realizing the difference between control and management.
I controlled when I drank because I knew that once I started, I would not stop. I knew that so often I would refuse any drink, begging off. I thought that this was life under management. But I came to see that I was wrong.
My life before the program was under control, but not under management. I had controlled my drinking times friends to protect my reputation and controlled my behaviours knowing that once I started that I could not stop. But control was regulation and constraint. Management is much more; it is setting goals and policies then deploying resources and effort in a disciplined manner to achieve the goals and results. I had control but no management.
A big step in my sobriety was made from control to management. And a large part of the step was leadership. With God’s leadership, I was able to make the step from power to management.
This was a huge lesson and learning, a lesson that has torn the cap off my spiritual growth. Growth that continues today.
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