After several decades working the Program, I still have new insights to old problems.
Annual Inventory Revealed Persistent Patterns
My annual inventory last year revealed persistent, problematic patterns of behaviour. I was still making a series of demands of life:
- achievement
- acclaim
- satisfaction
When I talked with God and another human being about these behaviours, I saw the exact nature of the problem.
I did not love myself, and I demanded these to overcome my lack of self-love.
The unconscious logic was something like this:
- achievement, acclaim, and satisfaction can fill the void of self-love
- therefore, the solution is more achievement, acclaim, and satisfaction
But the argument was flawed. It was not wrong, but it could only go so far.
Why Achievement, Acclaim, and Satisfaction Could Not Heal Self-Love
With the first two demands, achievement and acclaim, I was seeking an external answer to an internal issue, and self-love is an inside job. The third demand, satisfaction, was temporary; however, the need for self-love was permanent.
So none of them would work to fix a lack of self-love.
The clearer logic was this:
- I don’t like or love myself as I am
- but God made me and loves me
- He sees the inner me that He created and desired
- He knows me better than I know myself
- still, I have some defects that He wants removed
- once they are removed, a good character will be revealed, and God will be pleased
Steps 4 Through 7: The Path to Self-Examination and Defect Removal
I needed our Program of self-examination and defect removal, Steps 4 through 7.
Our disciplined and regular approach to self-examination, followed by a synthesis of the exact nature of the problem identified, was connected to Steps 6 and 7, defect removal.
With this new argument, the demands I was making of the world—achievement, acclaim, and satisfaction—were not characteristics I should want; they were defects that I should surrender.
Books to Support Your Twelve Step Journey
If you’re looking to explore Step work, spiritual awakening, and personal transformation more deeply, check out The GEMS Series: 12-Step Shares, Notes and Thoughts. These books offer insights, reflections, and real-life recovery experience that complement the journey through the Twelve Steps.
The books in The GEMS Series: 12-Step Shares, Notes and Thoughts can be purchased through my estore or the major online book retailers. Look for GEMS, More GEMS, Still More GEMS, and More GEMS Revealed.
FAQ
What is the main message of this article?
The article explains that external pursuits like achievement, acclaim, and satisfaction cannot heal a lack of self-love. Real healing comes through spiritual self-examination and surrender.
What does “self-love is an inside job” mean?
It means that self-worth and acceptance cannot be permanently gained from outside validation. They must come from inward spiritual growth and honesty.
How does AA help with self-love?
AA helps by guiding members through inventory, confession, willingness, and surrender. These steps help uncover the real issues beneath harmful patterns.
Why are achievement and acclaim described as defects here?
In this reflection, they became defects because they were being demanded from life to compensate for inner emptiness rather than pursued in a healthy way.
Why are Steps 4 through 7 important in this post?
These steps focus on self-examination, identifying the exact nature of defects, becoming willing to let them go, and asking God to remove them.
What is meant by “the exact nature of the problem”?
It means looking beneath behaviour to the deeper emotional or spiritual cause. In this case, the deeper issue was a lack of self-love.
Is satisfaction always a bad thing in recovery?
No. The issue is not satisfaction itself, but demanding it as a substitute for lasting spiritual and emotional wholeness.
How can annual inventory help in long-term recovery?
Annual inventory helps uncover recurring patterns, spiritual blind spots, and old defects that may still be influencing thoughts and behaviour.
Who would benefit from reading this article?
People in AA, 12-step recovery, faith-based recovery, and anyone interested in emotional sobriety, spiritual growth, and self-examination.
Does this article connect recovery with faith?
Yes. The post speaks about God’s love, God’s understanding of the inner self, and the spiritual process of defect removal.
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