At the lawyers’ AA meeting, one share jumped out. The speaker was a litigator, a courtroom lawyer.
He began, “I was a junior lawyer. We had a big trial, and I assisted the senior partner; we lost after many days in court. The judge handed our heads to us on a platter.
“As we walked out of the courthouse, I heard the client say to the senior partner, ‘I guess that’s it.’”
“The grizzled old partner stopped and turned to the client; he said, “not at all, this is just one more step in the negotiations.”
“You know, the old guy had a point. Losing a trial is not a defeat; it is a problem. Sometimes a considerable problem, but I can re-open negotiations while moving to the next level of appeal.
“But when I run out of appeals, I don’t have a problem; I have a defeat. With a defeat, it is finished. And that is terrible news for a lawyer.
“For a long time, my drinking was a problem. When my employers confronted me with my drinking, I had a problem, not a defeat. There were appeals. I had room to negotiate.
When my wife confronted me and demanded I stop drinking, I had a problem but not a defeat. Appeals were available, and negotiations were still possible.
“My drinking was increasing, difficult times for sure, but all I had were problems.
“Eventually, after many attempts at controlled drinking that ended in blacked-out catastrophes, I ran out of appeals and admitted defeat.
“In a blinding moment of hung-over honesty, I saw there were no more appeals available, and with no more appeals, no more negotiations.
“I was defeated. And this was good news for an alcoholic.
“You see, for lawyers, defeats are worse than problems. In AA, problems are worse than defeats.
“Only when I admitted defeat could the Program work in my life. Problems were not sufficient; I needed defeat.”
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