Step Seven and Humility were the topics of the meeting.
“Words have different nuances and meanings,” our AA sister began, “in the Program, I have to be careful to make sure that I have the right understanding of the words we use.”
She continued, “At my first meeting, my sponsor walked over and told me that she was my temporary sponsor. That was 15 years ago. I did not question that announcement, nor did I clarify what she meant by temporary. Apparently, temporary is longer than 15 years.
“Then she told me I had to be honest with myself. One day I was upset with my husband. When she told me to forgive him, I replied that I could not. Then she directed me to fake it, imagine that I had forgiven him. Of course, I pointed out the intellectual dishonesty in her suggestion.
“Now, the sponsorship is still good after 15 years, and the dishonesty of faking forgiveness worked with my husband. But temporary seems shorter than 15 years, and faking my forgiveness appears to me to be dishonest.
“Over the years, my sponsor expanded the meaning of the words such as temporary and honesty. But the first word she expanded was humility.
“I can still remember our Step Seven conversation. I was new to the Program. We were sitting in her living room with our Big Books and Twelve and Twelves. She read from her Twelve and Twelve, ‘Most of us have only a nodding acquaintance with humility.’
“‘Well,’ I said, ‘I have lots of humility. I have been humiliated all my life.’
She said, ‘That is not the humility we are interested in. You think humility is shame and lack of self-esteem. But that humility is selfish and self-centred humility; it is self-absorbed, self-pitying and whining. We are interested in something different — unselfish and unself-centred humility.’
“With that, she announced that she had to use the loo.
“As she left the room, I picked up my Big Book, and with a coincidence that is too coincidental, the book opened at a random page, and this sentence caught my eye. ‘You get just a little sobriety, and you get just a little humility….Not the humility of sack-cloth and ashes, but the humility of a man who’s glad he’s alive and can serve.’
“Shame, lack of self-esteem, and deep humiliation were the sack-cloth and ashes that made me feel comfortable. Like a pig wallowing happily in the muck, I was floundering in shame, remorse and humiliation; I thought that was the only possible meaning of humility. My sponsor had expanded the meaning of the word.
“She came back, and I said, ‘Thanks; another word clarified.’”
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