Over the years, I have heard many AA acronyms. They are memorable and often contain a large kernel of truth. The other night at an AA meeting, I heard another. I suspect I had heard it before, but the discussion rang so true I thought I would share it with you.
The speaker said, “I did not lie about myself, nor was I dishonest concerning my motives. To lie or to practice dishonesty is to be aware of the truth and speak or think otherwise. That was not me. I did not knowingly know the truth about myself and speak otherwise, nor did I have an awareness of and understand my true motives and consciously misrepresent them. What I did was much deeper than that.
“When I spoke about myself or thought about my motives, I was unaware of the departures from reality concerning myself or my motives. I was not aware of the truth. I saw a separate reality.
“When I said, “I don’t have a drinking problem,” I believed it through and through. When I said, “I am not doing this for selfish reasons,” I believed that to be true.
“But later, through a disciplined inventory process and a Fifth Step with a wise spiritual coach, the reality came out; I could see that I was completely deceived. I did have a drinking problem and often acted out of selfish and self-seeking motives. This problem was pervasive; my perceptions of reality were so distorted that I did not recognize reality for what it was.”
What an outstanding share, and it struck home for me. I did not lie, nor was I dishonest; it was more profound than that; my understanding of my own reality was so misplaced I could not tell true from false.
The speaker at the meeting continued with his acronym – D.E.N.I.A.L.
“I was in D.E.N.I.A.L. At those times, the truth was, I Didn’t Even kNow I Am Lying. So now I remember the acronym, DENIAL. And that serves to remind me to investigate my initial conclusions. As a result, I see my own reality more clearly and understand what it means to live according to rigorous honesty about myself and my motives.”
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