Joe and Charlie’s AA tapes include a discussion concerning the value of saying, ‘I don’t know.’
This AA lesson was taught to me by an old non-AA lawyer. Let me share the story.
I was a young lawyer in a specialist firm. We had been called in to advise the trustee in a massive bankruptcy. The senior partner, Jack, took me with him to the first meeting of the creditors.
There must have been 40 people in the board room: bankers, creditors and all of their lawyers. There was a babble of noise. Everyone was on edge. This was a large business, and the amounts at stake were massive.
Early in the meeting, a creditor asked Jack a question. He was about to lose a lot of money. The tone was disrespectful. Jack had an unsurpassed reputation as a bankruptcy lawyer. But at that moment, the man cared nothing for reputations.
Jack leaned back in thought, then rocked forward and picked up his pen to take note of the question, and with his gravelly smoker’s voice, looking across the boardroom table, said, “that is an excellent question. First time I have run into that issue. I don’t know the answer. We will get back to you as soon as possible. But meanwhile, we can continue. Thanks again for a great question.”
After the meeting, over lunch, we reviewed what tasks we had to complete. I noted the unanswered question of the creditor. Jack interrupted our meeting review to give me some advice. He said, “this seems like a good moment to pass on some advice, advice that was given to me years ago.”
He continued, “always look for a chance to say, I don’t know.”
The look on my face betrayed my puzzlement; he chuckled, “If you say, ‘I don’t know,’ to a question, you will leave everyone with the impression of deep competence, everyone will realize that for every other question raised in the meeting, ‘you knew.’”
“Second, you gain the respect of every blowhard in the room, for having the courage to say what they know they should say more frequently.”
“And third, you appear gracious by complimenting the questioner who posed such an important and difficult question.”
Turning back to the meeting, he concluded, “be sure and write up a memo and copy everyone to remind them of what a great question it was.”
I have used that advice, time and time again.
So much of our AA program is useful and makes us more effective.
Fearlessly saying, “I don’t know,” can be a powerful tool in your arsenal.
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