One morning I selected from my meditation app a meditation on ‘difficult people.’
The previous day I had words with a business partner. He was on my mind. I thought, “that looks like a good meditation for this morning.”
After the normal breathing and mindfulness introduction, the narrator said, “imagine someone whom you love to spend time with, whose presence enriches you.”
“Darn,” I thought, “I have misread the title. This was supposed to be a meditation on difficult people.” A quick check confirmed the title was “Meditating on Difficult People.”
Returning my focus to the meditation, I imagined someone who made me feel great. The guide continued, “imagine this person seated across from you. See them in your mind’s eye. What do you feel? Acknowledge the feeling of pleasure that he or she brings to your life,” he paused; “now bless them.” Easy.
“Now,” he said, “imagine someone who is slightly bothersome.” Then the narrator suggested the same routine, “imagine them seated across from you. See them in your mind’s eye. What do you feel? Acknowledge the feeling of neutral negativity that they bring to your life. Be honest; you don’t like them;” he paused, “now bless them.” Not so easy.
The app directed quiet breathing for a while. Then the narrator resumed, “now, imagine someone who is difficult, someone who has made you angry and upset, your enemy.”
My partner and our conversation came to mind. The meditation continued, “imagine him seated across from you. See him in your mind’s eye. Bring your feelings forward. Be honest in your views; acknowledge your judgment and opinion. Express your thoughts about him.”
I could see where this was going. Sure enough, the next words were, “now bless him as you have blessed the others; ask for the same blessing on your enemy.”
The narrator paused for a second, then, as if he heard my thoughts, said, “just say the blessing.”
I thought, how cheesy and hollow is this? Who do they think they are fooling? Not me. I could see through this charade. But I followed the directions. Though I did not believe my own words, I said, “I bless this person.”
I’ll be darned—it worked; I arose from that first meditation feeling better about the obnoxious twit. I saw him later that day and felt only mild irritation.
I did the same meditation for the next three mornings. My attitude towards my enemy continued to get better. I progressed from mild irritation to an impartial sense of goodwill.
It turns out that cheesy and hollow are pretty effective.
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