Note: The defects removal worksheet can be found here.

Introduction

In our AA Program, we have a bias to action, except in Step Seven.

In Step Seven, we become passive, leaving everything to God.  Our only contribution to this process is humility; humbly we ask Him to remove our shortcomings.

But perhaps there is more to Step Seven than meets the eye.  We forget the call to action in the Seventh Step Prayer.

In this essay, I contend that removing defects is not passive.  We take actions; we don’t merely leave it to God.

My Story

Every year I take a written inventory. [1]  My AA birthday is the trigger to start the process.  I use the four-column method described in the Big Book and detailed in the Inventory Work Sheet on the4thdimension.ca website.

When it is complete, I discuss the inventory with my spiritual coach.  In that conversation, we discuss the nature of the defects with exactitude; we develop a clear statement to describe the defects and where they get their power. [2]

After this coaching session, with the exact nature of the defects identified, I go home and ‘humbly asked God to remove them.’   It seemed to work well for many years. Defects were removed, I could feel and see progress.

But, one year, some time ago, after completing the inventory and getting ready for my spiritual coaching session, I had a frustrating sense of déjà vu, all over again.

That year, my annual process revealed the same defect which I had seen for several years: An obsession with how I looked.  I had to look good.  My need for approval was in overdrive all the time.[3]  It was a social instinct run amok.

This shortcoming affected all aspects of my life: sports, family, and professional relationships.  I would feel deep shame if I lost a game of tennis; fear would overwhelm me if I lost a client; anger would dominate me if anyone or anything had suggested I was less than perfect.  This defect permeated my life, causing bad relations, judgementalism, anger, and shame.  And it was persisting; it would not be removed.[4]

“I feel like I have hit a Program wall.” 

Exasperated, I said to Father Kevin, my spiritual coach, “You and I have identified this defect for several years running; each year we meet, see this defect, and I go home and ask God to remove it; but the needle hasn’t moved. 

“I feel like I have hit a Program wall.” 

Taking a breath, I concluded my whining rant, “I am not impressed with God’s progress.”

At this, my coach said, “maybe the problem is your demand that God do all the work.  Don’t you think you might have some part to play?”

He continued, “It seems to me that the defect removal process in AA is active, not passive.  The Seventh Step process is not sitting cross-legged and meditating; it’s moving forward under God’s good direction.  Look at the concluding sentence of your Seventh Step Prayer, Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do your bidding.  You are to leave your place of prayer, go out into the world and do something.

“This year let’s change your approach to defect removal.  Let’s get you in the game; let’s get you involved in this process.

“This year, when you go home to pray, say, ‘God what can we do to remove this character defect.  Seek knowledge of what God wants you to do to remove this defect.”

This was a tectonic shift in my attitude and perspective.  I now had a responsibility in the process.  Sitting, asking God to do all the work, and thinking I was humble, was not enough.  Turning the problem of removing the defect over to God and asking Him, even with humility, to remove the defect was good as far as it went.  But it was only a first step.

Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding.

The next day in my morning prayers, I said, “God, I see that removing this defect is a ‘we’ job, not a ‘you’ job.  Please give me the knowledge, power, and directions to do your will with this defect.  Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding.”

I did not have a white light experience with a list of actions, it took time.  Over the next week, in my daily devotions; I intuitively saw an answer to the problem that baffled me.

First, I saw that defects are habits: Habits start with a trigger that induces a behaviour, and the behaviour leads to a reward.  The manifestation of defects is always a three-step pattern: trigger – behaviour – reward.

With this new perspective, I re-opened my inventory.  A thorough review revealed the triggers, the behaviours, and the rewards of this defect of obsessing over ‘how I looked.’

The triggers were anything that threatened my self-esteem: Any prick of my ego operated as a trigger:  Real or imagined criticism, a mistake or a misunderstanding that might make me look bad triggered behaviours like lashing out in anger, making a snide comment, or blaming someone else.  And these behaviours were rewarded with a sense of superior self-satisfaction.

The habit, ‘trigger, behaviour, and reward,’ happened so quickly that I was not consciously aware of it when it occurred.  At the time it was a bolt of lightning.  But with this new perspective, it leapt out from the pen-to-paper pages of my inventory as a process of habit.  I was dealing with habitual behaviour.

And I realized that this was not my first habit rodeo.  The first habituated defect which God and I had worked on together had been drinking.  When I was drinking, something in life would trigger the thought of drinking; it might be anxiety, failure, or success.  It might be Monday.  With the trigger pulled, I would drink.  After taking a few drinks I felt the reward, the world made sense for a moment. 

Then the allergy would take hold and I would get roaring drunk.

This habit was quick, instinctual, occurring without thought or consideration of the consequences.  I was powerless over the first and subsequent drinks, and life was unmanageable with ever-increasing negative results.

I was powerless over my reaction to the triggers

The obsession with how I looked was likewise automatic, occurring without thought or consideration of the consequences:  As with drinking, I was powerless over my reaction to the triggers, the daily threats that life presented to my self-esteem.  And the adverse effects resulting from the triggered behaviours made my life unmanageable.

I saw that the habit of drinking had not been removed; rather, it had been replaced with a new habit of sobriety.  And I also saw the actions which created this new habit:  Actions like going to AA meetings, hanging out with sober guys, working with a sponsor, and reading the Big Book.  I could see that if I was current in these actions, if old drinking triggers were pulled, I had new behaviours, and the new behaviours led to new rewards.

For example, if I took a few minutes in the morning for Step 11 meditation, and during the day the anxiety trigger was pulled, I would call my sponsor instead of drinking.  Old triggers like feelings of tension or impending doom would send me to an AA meeting rather than to a bar.

And the new rewards were substantial.  Sharing at meetings, I reported on the results of these new behaviours.  Peace at home, progress at work, better attitudes in life, and the absence of remorseful hangovers, just to name a few.

For drinking, the new actions included AA meetings, having a sponsor, and daily devotions.  I took these actions, and a gap between drinking triggers and old behaviours grew, which allowed the new behaviours to operate, and I experienced the new rewards.  A new habit was created.

God answered with another intuitive thought.

But how could I apply this process to defects other than drinking? 

I needed actions, which created new habits, for the trigger threats to my self-esteem and obsessive concerns about how I looked.  

God answered with another intuitive thought.

Each morning, I could review the day and anticipate problems and difficulties, mentally and spiritually preparing myself.  During the day, before starting a conversation, I would briefly pray for the person, ‘God is in this conversation.’  Before going into a meeting, I would pause with my hand on the doorknob, find humility, and reduce my expectations, ‘God is in this meeting.’  If someone disagreed with me, I would hesitate and ask myself what a good-tempered person would do in this situation, ’God is in this moment.’

As with drinking, the triggers did not go away, but I could change and teach myself new behaviours.

It worked.  Not immediately, but the progress was clear.  God and I were working together, and the actions were the key.

These new actions helped me control the character defect of obsessive concern over how I looked.  Over time, with these repeated actions, God and I achieved a modicum of control.  And this bit of control evolved to new habits of thought.  Over more time, these new habits of thought became habits of character. 

I have learned that if it matters, measure it.  And this mattered. I could measure the actions.  I could stop at the end of the week and once a month, and give myself a score.  Over time I could track my progress (or lack thereof) in habituating the actions that lean against the defects.  This was the final element in the process.

Before long, these new habits became old habits.  Before I was aware of them, the new habits processed.  They became part of my character; they were instinctual. 

Development of the Defect Removal Tool

That was the first time I applied what has evolved to become the ‘Defect Removal Tool’ found under Worksheets on the4thdimension.ca.

Sponsees and many others have used this tool with great success.  The tool is based on the insight that together, God and I remove the defects he wants removed, with actions that teach a new way of thinking.  I needed to focus on the last sentence of the Seventh Step Prayer and understand that I was in the game.

With a good inventory, I could see and understand the triggers that caused the behaviours, the behaviours, and the rewards that I received.  When I mindfully replaced them, with new actions, I became aware of the new behaviours that I practiced when triggered, and new rewards.

I hope that you find the same joy I have found using this tool.

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[1] Here are two links, one to an essay on annual inventories and a second annual inventory discussion.

[2] These are two links to blog posts on Fifth Step Processes.  The Confessional Conversation and The Exact Nature of Defects.

[3] For anyone interested in how this defect works, here is a link to a blog post, Impression Management, July 30, 2019.

[4] This link to a blog post entitled Just Because I Feel Shame, June 10, 2021, may seem tangential to this point, but it resonated with me as I was pondering the problem.  I felt shame at this defect but need humility not shame.

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