It was our regular AA meeting, and the topic was ‘sex,’ always a hot topic at a closed mens’ meeting.
One of the guys had an outstanding share.
His opening puzzled us, “drinking, my alcoholism affected my sex life, and sober, my sex life affects my alcoholism.”
He paused to let us think about what he had said, then continued, “for me, there is a direct link between my drinking and sex, and between sex and my recovery.
“When I was drinking, I had a sexual sweet spot, between beers two and three. Up to two beers, I was insecure and afraid. Afraid of rejection, I would hesitate, and the sweet spot would pass. Before I knew it, I would be into my third beer and on my way to another blackout. Sex was no longer on the agenda.
“It might sound frustrating, but it was not. I had my priorities clear, and drinking was the first priority, sex a distant second.
“My alcoholism affected my sex relations; it ensured my sex life setting was ‘low.’
“Then I sobered up; I came to the rooms, got a sponsor and started working the steps. My sponsor got me right into inventories. We read and reread the parts of the Big Book dealing with inventories and amends.
“I saw how my drinking, my alcoholism, had affected my sex relations and every other aspect of my life. And becoming sober changed my whole life, including sex.
“Without the booze, I had sexual sugar plums dancing in my head.
Dating girls was a whole new experience. I had to learn things that my peers had learned in their teens, and I was in my thirties.
“Phrases in the Big Book like: “we do not have enough of it, or that it isn’t the right kind,” “sex is a lust of our lower nature,” and “we have voices that cry for sex and more sex,” made more and more sense. The surges and currents of this powerful instinct were affecting my sobriety.
“Sex relations displayed my personality defects more clearly than anywhere else. Pouting, getting in a snit and becoming angry became routine activities in the courtship rituals. I was utterly self-absorbed and self-possessed, and these character defects showed up most forcefully when I was with a woman; they showed up if I was even thinking about a woman.
“I learned that these defects were an integral part of alcoholism. My alcoholism and these defects were all tangled up with each other. These defects were blocking my recovery from alcoholism as effectively as my drinking had choked my sex life.
“When I was drinking, my alcoholism affected my sex relations; now sober, sex relations were affecting my alcoholism.”
Many of us nodded in agreement.
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