“If it is important, I will find a way; if it is not, I will find an excuse.” This was tabled as a topic for a meeting. As the meeting unfolded, we saw the connection between importance and desperation.
A fellow who had come back to the Rooms after a slip; admitted, “my work, marriage and money all became more important than my sobriety. Instead of finding a way to go to meetings, I found excuses, rather than finding a way to keep in touch and work the Steps, I found excuses. I had excuses for not meditating, then excuses for not praying and excuses for not going to meetings.” He summarized, saying, “I am back at Step #1.”
He was desperate. Desperate enough to seek help, to find a way to get to a meeting. Life had provided him with the Gift of Desperation, and sobriety had become important again. He was finding ways to engage the Program, rather than excuses to avoid the Program.
This story demonstrates the strong linkage between desperation and importance. And the problem that comes from relying on desperation to make sobriety important.
If a man is dying of thirst in the desert, water is important. He will find a way to get to an oasis, and excuses will not occur to him. After his thirst is satisfied, water becomes less important. He will find excuses to wander away from the oasis. It is no longer important that he maintain his source of water.
When I first sobered up, the principles of the Program, meetings, and keeping in touch with my brothers in AA were all important. But after a time, the Gift of Desperation became old and dusty; sobriety became less important. Like the desert traveller who has just had a drink of water, the pain of life as a drinking alcoholic reduced. And as importance reduced, ways declined, and excuses increased. I drifted away from my Program.
The desert traveller quenches his thirst and walks away from the well. He becomes thirsty again. The gift of thirst makes water important again. My spiritual well relieved the pain of alcoholism. Life was good, and my thirst for serenity, gained by maintaining my spiritual condition, declined. And of course, as life became more difficult; the Gift of Desperation was renewed. Desperation made spiritual maintenance important again. Once again, I found ways to maintain my spiritual condition instead of finding excuses.
So went my life back and forth—up and down, serenity to desperation as spiritual maintenance became important, then unimportant. This pattern kept me sober, but it was turbulent.
The next lesson was to break the connection between importance and desperation. I discovered painless importance.
One day, I took a spiritual step without the Gift of Desperation. Without the motivation of pain to trigger spiritual growth, I overcame excuses and found ways to practice the principles of the Program. With no immediate pain, I was seized with a desire to increase my spiritual growth, it became important. And being important, I found a way to maintain my spiritual condition, rather than an excuse to avoid the work involved. I got up early and meditated. I prayed regularly. I improved my conscious contact with God, as I understood Him. I became more serene and sober.
The period of serenity brought me to a higher spiritual level. It became easier to keep meditation as an important activity in my life. I find ways to meditate more frequently, rather than excuses not to mediate.
That is how I have been trudging the road of happy destiny.
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