I am posting a series of blogs on my favourite Program activity, Inventories. I love them and never tire of them. The benefits are clear and well worth the effort involved. And the more I do, the easier it gets.
Part 1: Spiritual Maintenance
Part 2: Moral versus Personal
Part 3: Writing the Name
Part 4: Special Names
Part 5: Just the facts, ma’am
Part 6: How were you affected?
Part 7: What was my role?
Part 8: The Confessional Conversation
The question asked in Column #3 is, “How did these facts affect you?”
The answer to this question includes facts and emotions. The emotions you felt. And the actions that you took in response to the facts and the feelings, which usually added more points to the mix.
As with the other columns, in my experience, the best way to approach Column #3 is to let my mind flow freely onto the paper. I sit for a moment, then pick up my pen and start writing—a free-flowing brain dump.
I write down the first thoughts that come to mind; more importantly, I use the first words that come to mind. My experience has shown me that the first words that occur to me are the most useful.
I don’t pause to consider and select the correct word. I would encourage you not to worry about being accurate or precise; you don’t have to capture the word that captures all the nuances of how the facts affected you.
We are looking at this point for patterns of reactions rather than a precise delineation of the effects.
This is not the time for reflective wordsmithing, just let it flow.
If your experience is like mine, patterns will emerge. If you let it flow with the words that first occur to you, the same words will show up again and again. You may find, as I have, when using a spreadsheet, that autofill starts to kick in, and the repeating thoughts are displayed by technology. I type a couple of letters, and the spreadsheet software completes the thought.
And the word patterns are always surprising. Patterns come up whose existence I would have denied before starting the inventory.
I recall the surprise of doing my first inventory. Word patterns emerged regarding my disdain for the fairer sex. The words emerged from facts that occurred in my pre-teens. I was surprised when I wrote the same phrase no less than five times on different pages.
After the fifth time, I stopped and looked back and saw the other times I had written the phrase. I had two thoughts: “that is not me, I don’t think like that,” followed by, “but there it is in black and white.” I had to face these attitudes and realize that deep down, I had some nasty beliefs and attitudes. Beliefs and attitudes that were still with me as an adult.
I have stopped asking why I suddenly see these surprising patterns; I simply observe that the free flow seems to expose what is really going on in my heart. With the flow, the words tumble out, allowing my subconscious to emerge. If I stop to analyze a word or thought, I interrupt the free flow of consciousness. I interpose my conscious mind between my subconscious mind and the pen/paper. Before doing this inventory, I hid or denied the patterns. The mind is cunning, baffling, and powerful.
When I let my subconscious mind flow, I see that many relationships, though very different, have the same affected me in the same way. The pen and paper, or spreadsheet technology, reveals the truth of the patterns.
The words reveal the truth. I cannot bullshit the paper.
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